After the movie, I wept
I watched a movie called About Time tonight with my big sister. This was my third watch over the last five years.
There was something different this time though.
If you haven’t seen it, please don’t read any further. I’m about to spoil it.
The last 20 minutes of the film directed by Richard Curtis have always gotten my eyes misty, but tonight they weren’t just misty. I had tears streaming down my face.
Once the film ended, I went into the bathroom, closed the door, and genuinely wept. Flashes of my loved ones appeared in my mind. Memories with my dad, mom, and all three sisters. These weren’t recent memories. They were smiles they all gave me at specific times in my life over 20 years ago. How I remember them from my youth.
I can’t remember the last time I was this deeply moved by a film, and I’ve seen hundreds.
The message of About Time is centered around making the most of a moment while it’s happening, and I finally saw what’s been happening in my life. Not just the last few weeks, but the last few years, more years than I can count.
At times I think I understand that time is not guaranteed, but I do not live like I know that.
I’ll remember and then in no time at all… I forget.
I’ll sleep in more often than I should. I let phone calls go unanswered. I’ll have the opportunity to stay a little longer, but I’ll Irish exit. I turn down invitations because I’m “tired,” and I let courageous thoughts go unacted upon because I think anxiety and fear have my best interest.
Why do I do that? Why do we do that?
There’s a beautiful sequence in the last 20 minutes where the main character, Tim (Domhnall Gleeson) realizes it will be the last time he ever gets to spend time with his father (Billy Nighy). He soaks in every single second and gives his dad a look that says more than words ever could.
“So this is it, then?” his father asks, understanding what is happening.
The two embrace.
“My son,” his father says after being kissed on the cheek by Tim.
“My dad.”
We don’t know when the last time will be.
But that time will come, whether we are ready for it or not.
Am I living like I understand the weight of that reality?
I realized tonight while sobbing in the bathroom that I haven’t been.
I’m going to spend time reflecting on what I need to do to remedy this.
As I lay here in my bed typing this out, all I can think of is how thankful I am to feel the emotions I felt tonight and to be able to love and be loved by my family.
What a powerful film.
“I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”